I observed an ordinary accurance the other day. A child and his mother were on an outing, and the child asked for something that the mother denied. The child began to pitch a fit, and, of course, the mother then tried to explain why he could not have that certain thing. She told him that if he would wait a little while and be patient, he would get that certain thing but in better form. The child was subdued, and later that day he did get what was promised him.
Now, in my book, I wouldn’t have given the child anything, for that would be rewarding him for bad behavior; but coincidentally, after reflection, this child reminded me a whole lot like myself.
I am in a place right now where the future seems very foggy and uncertain. I have my “dreams” and plans. I am striving very hard for my goals, and it is exhausting. I believe my goals to be God honoring ones, but it doesn’t seem like I am getting much help from God, to be honest. My prayers about this subject go something like this, “Dear God, please cause such and such to work out so I can go here or do this.” Simple, right?
Recently someone asked me if I would be ok if God didn’t allow my “plans” to work out, and led me on a different path. I was irritated at this uncomfortable question. I guess I would have to be ok, I thought, but I probably would go out kicking and screaming. This convicted me a little. Did I think my plans more important than His? Even though they were good in themselves? I realized I should have been praying, “Lord, please show me Your will. Show me if I should go here, or do this.”
I am a lot like the fit-throwing child. I want what I want now. I will fight for my will over and over again, even when I don’t realize I am fighting against God, supposedly for God. But God says, “Wait on Me. My ways are not Your ways, nor My thoughts your thoughts. I have the best plan; not a better plan. I know what you need, and when you need it. Trust me.” And then I collapse at His feet, undone, and say, “Yes, Lord. Thy will be done.”
There is something so very terrifying in saying, “Lord, whatever You want me to do, I will do it. If You don’t want me there or here, I will follow You elsewhere.” It is like letting go of everything. Like dying to myself. Oh, but the beauty God makes out of dying things.